This is the post excerpt.
My first blog to the world will be me exposing the inner me to the world. I want all of you to know all of me. But, the biggest question in life is what is all of me? Who am I really? & who do I aspire to be? Me, Destiny Melton, I am oh so complex yet so simple. Since before I could remember all I wanted in life was acceptance, I wanted love from those who weren’t sharing the same fire with me as I was with them. I was always known as, “the funny one”, “the homie”, “the big one”, it hurt. Because what girl doesn’t want to be beautiful or be considered as such. I wanted to be “the pretty one”, “the athletic one” but I was never that, at least at one point I thought. Growing up I wouldn’t say I had it hard, but I damn sure didn’t have it easy. A child born is so innocent & pure, born into a world set up to sin, but written to be perfect. I wanted that perfect book. At 5 I began my passion for playing basketball, at 15 my home became a single parent household, at 18 I became a woman, & now at 24, I consider myself an adult. & as we grow in this journey you will begin to uncover deeper parts of me, some of which I may not be ready to reveal. I can say I have battle wounds that have made me stronger, obstacles that I thought would be the end of me but, but 5 siblings whom I live for. This life so far had no way been easy, but they do say, this is about finding yourself, it’s about creating whom you want to be. Me, Destiny Melton, I want to be great, I want to inspire, I want to not only want change but to be the change, I want to change lives, I want people to look at me & see better. I am simply a strong beautiful black woman on her walk of life. & I hope my words can be the light in societies everyday darkness.
"I'm not the same person I was… Maybe the old me wasn't worth being in love with. Honestly." – Unknown
I will let that sit with you for a minute. To that time you were feeling this very emotion. Lost in the journey of slowly finding yourself yet so sure at the same time of who you were. Hell at least who you were becoming. Right ? Why isn't any stage of you worth someone giving their all to you ? Seeing the potential in you, the one in a crowd of many. That one is different despite its beautiful flaws. Yes, flaws can be beautiful to, a wise soul once told me. You have to at some point find certainty in the thought that regardless of the things that make you… human, you are still worth love. Selfless, beautiful love. "But there's a difference from a woman that is in love with you and one who just loves you…" – Unknown, differentiate and move forward.
People tend to misunderstand my intentions & where I'm coming from. And very often it's definitely the over compassion I have for the things that I'm saying. Like what I'm saying is what I really mean, I know sometimes my word choice is terrible but can you hear my message. Can you in a sense actually try to understand, or maybe read between the lines a little bit. If I didn't care I wouldn't be speaking. If I didn't care I wouldn't be telling you what's lying here on my heart. Thats really me! Don't you get that ? See I don't waste time on things unworthy because I have took careful & precious time exploring my worth & who I am. I've took the time to realize I don't have to spend time on people I feel undeserving. Not to be selfish, but some people just take your energy and it's never recycled back. I can't afford that because I cant go backwards and give anyone authority to my happiness. I've been there & It's this deep dark place I literally can't even see MYSELF in. When words are presented to you, don't react just to have had a say. There's meaning there somewhere, put in the work to be the correct receiver for the correct message.
Its been a while I know, but for some reason I feel as though tonight is the night to come back. So here I am. A constant relaying message has been to motivate. Bring positivity to another while still learning to keep it on for yourself. What the voices don’t understand is they’ve done more for me then I could imagine I do for them. None of us can do this alone & I need your voice just as much as you plead for mine. I’ve been gone for so long a little lost for words & really just rebuilding my soul. It’s getting better. It’s built this strength for itself, you guys would be so proud. It’s gained this voice for itself, “It’s okay to say no. Everyone doesn’t deserve your time.” You learn slowly. As things begin to keep revealing itself within me I simply do what I can to share it with the world. Because the things I had to face, to unfortunately learn the hard way, were in no way pleasing. Why walk on the same coals I did to figure it out ? Makes a little sense I guess you can say. Sharing love & knowledge can only pave a better way & God willing a better day. Join in, I have faith in you if you don’t.
I find it ironic, the definitions that have been built in a community in such desperate want of no judgements. A free flying zone where the soul can roam, find its roots & simply blossom. Blossom uninterrupted. Beautiful shinning onto others the light so graciously passed from above. How has the definition of our black women so negative ? She’s loud, she’s ghetto, her hair looks crazy; oh thats typical. Elaborate. Why is her behavior normal because of the tone of her skin ? She’s smart, educated, even carries herself well; did you hear how proper she speaks ? Somethings wrong with her clearly. Im puzzled; Why is she normal and I’m not ? Why is she typical and I’m not. The standards that I hold myself to are to high, and demanding respect makes me, angry ? Understand that a woman, any women is a Queen & the one that takes every step of every day to endure her purpose; You respect her because you see women, were the root.
As I look into your eyes & see the genuine confusion. I begin to immediately find it heart wrenching, I’m sitting here and as a friend I’m not sure what answer to provide for you. But the reason why I cant, I know. I am not you. See, I’ve sat in the mirror many nights, looking at my reflection in just exhaustion. That empty feeling inside not knowing who it is that would complete you. That person who could bring light to your darkness. Like that dimming light in those one of kind homes, just needing that lift to be able to see. But how long do you wait, before lifting yourself up. That in between is the hardest to be in. Stuck between leaving because you deserve better, but not wanting to rush something thats precious to the soul. Trying to come to realize that may be what the flesh wants, but the soul may be is craving more, something deeper. Truthfully, how many turns does one get before they turn your once dim to dark. Endless possibilities to an un fair question. Trust in you, there lies the answer. I myself, await my own truth, still unknown.
Days late but finally the words have hit me, to say what it is that I need to say to you. You tested me in ways that I didn’t know I could be tested & I cried on nights that have never felt colder. You took me to moments that I didn’t know I was going to see through. Why would you take me to my absolute lowest, allowing me to continuously sink in my own dark hole ? Im not quite sure, but I’m supposed to trust the journey ? You make that hard to believe but I know it has to end soon, something taking so much of me had to be unhealthy to the soul. I saw you through & now I get to look back & laugh. How can it not be funny ? The person that you grow to be once realizing your own worth is immaculate. A little scary, honestly. Realize that you cant continue to give & to never receive. At that point, what is left of you ? Love you and whats supposed to be making vast impressions on your heart, will. It’s funny isn’t it.
– Destiny Melton™
Lately not only myself but the ones I love most have been going through an extremely tough time. Times that ones heart doesn’t believe that it can make it through. Times where you actually feel the body simply not knowing whether it has to ability to take the next step. “This isn’t for me, I don’t know what is, but this isn’t.” Right ? Sounds all to familiar I’m sure. You simply cannot allow the devil to overshadow you with his darkness. I know in times your sure there’s no light at the end. Whether thats now, yesterday, or tomorrow it’s going to be okay. Because I do know when life brings you to your knee’s your in the perfect position to pray & He will answer you before it’s to late. Life is not meant to be easy & in no way am I selling a Utopia to the mind that this journey will be easy. But, tough times don’t last forever, & God’s children will see through. If you think you have no one there you have me, most importantly if you think you have no one there you have Y O U. That is the most important piece to all puzzles. Yourself. Love you baby and the rest will follow through. Persevere .